This pamphlet is an aide to help you after the loss of a child.

Practicalities

Registering the birth and death

A birth after the 22nd week of pregnancy must always be registered with the authorities. Notification of birth is done electronically and is automatically sent by the maternity ward. The birth of a living child before the 22nd week of pregnancy also has to be registered. 

If the child is stillborn from the 22nd week of pregnancy, the death must be notified to the mother’s parish within 8 days regardless of denomination. Visit www.sogn.dk to find the relevant contact information. You will need to fill out the form “Anmeldelse af dødfødt barn og anmodning om begravelse/ligbrænding”  and deliver it to your local church office. This must be done within 8 days. 

If the child died shortly after birth, then the mother’s parish must be notified of both the birth and death within 8 days. Visit www.sogn.dk to find the relevant contact information. You will need to fill out the form “Anmeldelse af dødfødt barn og anmodning om begravelse/ligbrænding”  and deliver it to your local church office. This must be done within 8 days. 

A stillbirth before the 22nd week of pregnancy does not need to be notified as it is legally considered a miscarriage. 

Burial

When you lose a child that was live-born or born after the 22nd week of pregnancy, then you are legally required to arrange a burial. You can organise it yourself or you can hire an undertaker who can help you with the practicalities. You may be entitled to burial assistance in the form of a financial subsidy from Udbetaling Danmark (the Danish authority for payments of benefits etc.).

Special regulations apply if the child was born before the 22nd week of pregnancy and did not display any signs of life. We will provide you with the pamphlet “Folder fra Københavns Kirkegårde”, which contains additional information about burial (in Danish only).
You will be given the death certificate at the hospital.

The child can remain at the Rigshospitalets Kapel (the hospital chapel/mortuary) until burial. It is possible to view the child in a specially prepared room at the chapel/mortuary. Relatives are also welcome.
Call Rigshospitalets Kapel at (+45) 35 45 53 03 to make an appointment.
The child can also remain at the department and you can see the child there or you can take the child home with you.

Bereavement leave

Parents are entitled to bereavement leave if the child was alive at birth or born after the 22nd week of pregnancy.
Bereavement leave begins the day after the child died. You will have to notify your employer yourself. You can read more about bereavement leave at www.borger.dk (in Danish only). Search for ‘Sorgorlov’.

Paternity

If you are married, the father is automatically registered as the father.
If you are not married, paternity must be registered at www.personregistrering.dk. Special rules apply for co-motherhood.

Examination of the child

We can carry out a number of examinations to try and discover the reason for the child’s death, which will include taking blood samples and tissue samples and a post-mortem examination. You must authorise these examinations. We can provide you with additional information about these examinations should it be relevant.

Conversation with a priest or similar

It is possible to talk with a priest, imam or person with another ethnic or religious background who has experience talking to people who have lost a child. This can take place during your admission to hospital or after you have gone home. You do not need to be religious to participate in these conversations. We are happy to help you get in touch.

Keepsakes and memories of your child

You can see and hold your child, take pictures of them and take prints of their hands and feet. We are happy to help you take photos. You can have your child with you for as long as you wish. You can also bring your child home in a cold cot.

Visit by a health visitor

We will inform the health visitor about the birth. She will contact you in a few days. You can also contact the health visitor yourself by calling the municipality. The health visitor can help you with any physical pain and help stop milk production. They can also help you deal with the needs of the baby’s siblings and any post-partum reactions you may experience. A health visitor is usually not provided in connection with a miscarriage.

Follow-up consultation at the hospital

We will invite you to a follow-up consultation with an obstetrician or gynaecologist approximately 8 weeks after the birth. During the consultation you will receive the results of any blood samples or tests, and you will also have the opportunity to talk about a possible future pregnancy.
We can also schedule a post-birth consultation with the midwife who was with you during delivery.

Check your medical journal

On www.minsundhedsplatform.dk kan (in Danish only) you can see a summary of your health history and any future appointments and test results. You can also download the MinSP app to your phone. Log on with your MitID.

You can access all the information registered about you by the public health services on www.sundhed.dk (in Danish only). Log on with your MitID.

Care and hygiene after birth

There are several things you should be attentive to after giving birth:

If you are rhesus negative

If you are rhesus negative and the child was rhesus positive, then we recommend an injection of anti-D after delivery to stop your body from producing rhesus antibodies. Rhesus antibodies can affect a future pregnancy.

Stopping milk production

Your body will start producing milk after the birth - even if you are not breastfeeding. Milk production will stop by itself, but you might need medication to help stop production. If you choose to take the medication, we recommend that you take it within 24 hours of giving birth. The treatment can be repeated as necessary. 
You can also use a tight-fitting sports bra the first week after delivery, as this can help reduce milk production. Covering your breasts in a cold compress for 10-20 minutes at a time can help alleviate any tightness or discomfort. If your breasts begin to feel very tight, you can try to express the milk by hand while in the shower by massaging your breast in a downward motion towards the nipple. Then gently press on the nipple until milk comes out. Stop expressing the milk once the feeling of tightness disappears. Contact us if this does not help alleviate the tightness/discomfort.

Contact us if you develop a fever or develop pain in your breasts

If you have a fever over 38.5 degrees, pain or redness in one or both breasts, contact Fødemodtagelsen (maternity admissions) at (+45) 35 45 96 30.

Remember to urinate

It may be difficult to tell whether you need to urinate. You should urinate no later than 4 hours after birth and then approximately every 4 hours for the first few days, even if you do not feel like you need to urinate. This will help your uterus shrink to its normal size. You may experience a burning sensation when urinating, especially if you received stitches. It sometimes helps to rinse yourself with water while you are urinating.

If you have ongoing issues with a burning sensation, emptying your bladder or incontinence, contact Fødemodtagelsen (maternity admissions) at (+45) 35 45 96 30.

Constipation

It is normal for a few days to pass before you have a bowel movement. To help your stomach get back on track and prevent constipation, we recommend moving about, eating high-fibre foods and drinking lots of fluids. If you still have not had a bowel movement after 4 to 5 days, you may need to take medicine to treat the constipation. Laxatives are available over the counter at the pharmacy.
If you received stitches or have haemorrhoids/piles after delivery, it can be a good idea to support the perineum with a piece of cloth during your first bowel movement. Stitches can take the pressure from a bowel movement.

Pain

It is normal to be in pain the first days after birth. You may experience after-pains, which can feel similar to mild period pains. If you have stitches, there may be some pain around the stitches.

If you need pain-relieving medicine, we recommend taking 2 x 500 mg paracetamol, possibly combined with 2 x 200 mg ibuprofen, no more than 4 times a day.

After tearing

If you are in pain or feel a burning or itching sensation around the sutured area, you can try using a postpartum ice pack. A reusable ice pack can be purchased at the pharmacy. You can also soak a pad and then let it freeze in a freezer bag. Your skin should not come in direct contact with the ice as this can lead to frostbite. Wrap the ice pack or frozen pad in a clean piece of cloth before placing it by the wound.
Wear the ice pack or frozen pad for 15 minutes at a time every few hours. Do this for as long as necessary.
Sitting on a soft pillow can also help. Do not sit on an inflatable swimming ring.
To prevent infection, we recommend washing yourself with lukewarm water after visiting the toilet. Make sure to replace pads often.
The stiches will dissolve within 2 to 3 weeks. However, it can take up to 5 weeks. The scar may feel a bit tight for some time after.

Bleeding

After giving birth, it is normal to experience vaginal bleeding corresponding to a heavy menstrual flow or stronger. The bleeding will decrease gradually during the first week. You will then experience a bloody or brown discharge for 6 to 8 weeks.

Be aware of infection

Avoid using tampons or menstrual cups, swimming at public pools or in the sea, or taking baths while you are bleeding or have bloody discharge. You should also use a condom during sex until the bleeding has stopped. Make sure to replace pads often.

Contact Fødemodtagelsen (maternity admissions) at (+45) 35 45 96 30 if you experience the following during the first 4 weeks after giving birth:

• You develop a fever.
• Your discharge develops an unpleasant smell.
• Your bleeding increases or becomes very lumpy.
• You experience severe pain.

Contact your general practitioner or dial 1813 to reach the medical helpline outside your general practitioner’s opening hours if you develop signs of infection during the first 4 weeks.

Exercise and pelvic floor exercises

Exercising your body, particularly your pelvic floor, is important to avoid a prolapsed uterus, weak stomach and back muscles, as well as bladder and bowel dysfunction. We recommend that you begin doing pelvic floor exercises as soon as possible after giving birth.
You can also attend postnatal exercise classes. Several places offer postnatal exercises classes specifically for women who have lost a child.

Sex

In the period following birth, you may not have the energy or desire for sexual intercourse. This can be a vulnerable time in your relationship. Start off gently and carefully. There may be some pain in connection with tears, an episiotomy or scars. The vagina can be sore and dry due to hormonal changes. A water-based lubricant can be helpful. We recommend using a condom during the first 8 weeks after birth to avoid infection in the uterus.

Visit to your general practitioner 8 weeks after the birth

You will be offered a consultation with your general practitioner 8 weeks after the birth. Your general practitioner will assess whether you need a gynaecological examination and check any scars. Your general practitioner will also talk to you about how you are feeling.
You have to book this appointment yourself.

Grief and support

Psychologist

Some people want to talk about their experience with a psychologist. You can get a referral from your general practitioner, which will ensure that some of the costs are covered. If you have private health insurance, it may cover the cost of psychological counselling.

Forældre & Sorg (association for parents in grief)

The association was created to help anyone who has lost a child. They offer free counselling, therapy and support for parents and other family members.
We can help you contact the association. The association will then usually contact you within a few days. You can also contact the association yourselves. Read more on www.forældreogsorg.dk (in Danish only).

Let yourself grieve 

People react to the loss of a child in different ways. The following can hopefully provide some help and support: 

• Do not expect to be able to manage everything you normally would.
• It sometimes becomes necessary to take a break from the overwhelming emotions, and you might unconsciously slip in and out of your grief. It is perfectly normal to alternate between feeling unhappy and missing your child and thinking about other things, watching a movie or similar. 
• It can be difficult to concentrate and remember things for a time. Keep this in mind when deciding whether you are ready to return to work. 
• Do not expect your partner to react in the same way as you. How each of you feel and express your feelings can be very different. Give each other room to process the grief in your own way. 
• Know that it is okay to deal with things differently. Trust yourself to know what is best for you.
• Your friends and family may not know how to react.
• Try to maintain your normal routine when it comes to sleep, diet and exercise. Getting enough sleep, resting, and eating a healthy and varied diet are all important.
• Get some fresh air each day.
• Remember to ask for help. 

If you have other children, it is important that the other adults in their lives know what has happened. This could be other family members, friends or adults who spend time with your child/children on a daily basis e.g. at school or a day-care centre. How children react will depend on their age, among other things.

Contact

You are always welcome to contact us with any questions.